Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
