Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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