too bad you live with your parents still
I met the friendliest cop last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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