i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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