I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
