it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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