this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How naked do you want me to be?
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