Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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