I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
