This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
