Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
