i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
