We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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