Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
