so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
