You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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