We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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