I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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