just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
