I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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