Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
