I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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