6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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