Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
