The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize