i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
