Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
