seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
