I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
