i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
