I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize