I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
