we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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