what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
