Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize