we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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