You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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