On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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