Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
