We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize