So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it hurts more in the daytime
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
