Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
