He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
