hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
