They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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