super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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