yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
