I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
