why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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