I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
