i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
