There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
