So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i drank out of a bidet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
