So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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