I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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