What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
