sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
