a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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