drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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