I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
