I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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