how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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