I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
