On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
