Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
