Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
