Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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