So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
