i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
