party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
