i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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