Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
