Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please don't give away my fajitas
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
