Kiss
Puke
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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