I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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