Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
