She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
