You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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