i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
