dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
