Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
