Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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