no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
