Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
