Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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