I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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