My hand turned me down
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
