he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
