i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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