Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
