when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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