It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
