even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
