I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
