who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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