I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
