After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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