remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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