glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
