It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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