Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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