I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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