Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
